I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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