Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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