trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
