So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
