you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
whose ass print is on the piano?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
