Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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