so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
