well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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