tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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