there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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