my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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