I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
