He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
