Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
