Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Never joke about your clitoris.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
