So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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