I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
