so explain again why im purple
no
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
