I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
