Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
