Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I enjoy the company of your penis
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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