Grow some girl-balls and come out already
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
