does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
