She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
