After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
how drunk are you?
Several
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
