But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
