i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Can I color on your dick again?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
