Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's blow job season.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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