i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
