i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
