New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
