we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
