Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
