You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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