The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
