My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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