getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
