i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
