my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
