I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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