Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
