Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
it hurts more in the daytime
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
