Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
