just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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