I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
