What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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