Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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