You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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