I hope mine doesn't look like that
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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