guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
