He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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