I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
