Don't you send me to vm
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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