And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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