just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
