New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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