Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
