There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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