Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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