If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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