I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
