Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
