she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Hippo gnu deer
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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