Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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