Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
