Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My hand turned me down
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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