the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
