I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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