he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
