Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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