if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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