Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
